avrelia

It seems that I managed to disturb the local online Russian-speaking community today by asking what I thought to be an innocent question: "should I go to Daniel's high school graduation?" I don't really plan to skip it, but Daniel seems lukewarm about the whole thing, and the Senior Awards last week was full of profoundly long and boring speeches, and lasted three hours, and I imagined the graduation ceremony to be twice as long. But as I asked I thought the answers would be "go, it would be great!" instead I feel people are ready to report me to child services for daring to consider skipping one ceremony.

I am planning to go, at the very least I am curious to present at the graduation. I mean mostly I am familiar with the process through movies and tv, and how likely is that our town’s mayor will turn into a giant snake during Daniel’s graduation?

His prom was already not at all like all the movies. He just went by himself and danced with his friends and had a good time. And at midnight I went and picked him up from school.

But given that I shall have also George's elementary school farewell, it would all be rather exhausting, honestly. In truth, I am overwhelmed with all the graduation activities this month for both of my kids, and there are so many events for both of them! it's crazy – and the school theater, and soccer end of the season.

I don't think I've missed any of Daniel's ceremonies in all his school life. But for many people it seems there is just one event one cannot miss – the high school graduation, which is something I don’t understand. I don’t feel, to be honest, it to be that much of an achievement. I don’t want to minimize Daniel’s efforts and the work he did, really, but it feels strange that missing everything yet coming to the graduation means one is a good parent, but missing graduation equals being a bad parent and traumatizing one’s child forever.

I am probably too alien still.

I remember my graduation day. It was a milestone, but mostly for spending last day and night with my classmates. I don’t even remember whether my parents were there. I think not, it wasn’t a big deal for me, their presence there. I loved having that day to myself.

the title I can't translate from Russian. Or, I can but it won't express my feelings exactly.

things are happening.

went to walk the dog in a park, brought about several dozens of ticks with us.

I mean... that is just life.

doing our presentation on Russia tomorrow.

is there such a thing as "just life"?

Maybe trilobites had it. maybe we have no idea about the advanced society they had for millions of years.

everything is stardust

don't mind it

мучительно ощущаю время
уходящее
закрываю глаза и забываю
настоящее

закрываю глаза и проваливаюсь
в ту Москву
что знала мой оптимизм и не знала
мою тоску

сколько надежд было, сколько
путей-дорог
были мечты и планы, не было
вечных тревог

но кажется нынче, что дорога
была одна
куда бы я ни пошла, на пути
ждала война

то застыну в скорби и гневе
то делаю шаг
вперед. то закрываю глаза и придумываю
что все не так

There used to be a joke in Russia that the government only need enough people to ensure the oil is flowing without interruptions to be sold. Then I realized it was not a joke.

Now, in USA, it feels that people with billions of dollars only need people to extract money from them. and labor. as soon as there is no money or labour left to extract, they can be fired. So now those people are trying to run the government the same way.
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Not only they are firing people from government positions reducing them to abstract numbers without care about what those people are actually doing, they are trying to fire the population. To keep the bare minimum "for efficiency".
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and the question they seem to be asking "why do we need all those people?" not caring that it is not people who are there for the government, it is the government is here for the people. or should be. The asinine idea of running country as a company is not doing favors to anyone.

There is never a good time to be Russian, it seems. With that in mind, I signed up for Diversity festival in my son’s elementary school to represent Russia and create the display about Russian Federation. Not today, but I keep thinking about that my decision today, as always. And you know what? F* it. It is the country where I was born and grew up. It is the culture that is mine. It is the history I am a part of. Why should I give it up? Why should I yield it to people I hate?

The theme of presentation btw: "Russia is the prison of the peoples"// V.Lenin Many cultures in Russia you probably don't know about.

How fandom improved my life.
https://snowflake-challenge.dreamwidth.org/77196.html

It opened the world to me in 2003. I lived in Vancouver when I started watching Buffy and discovered existence of the fandom, then we moved to Toronto, and I started not just reading, but writing in the LiveJournal and participate in fandom discussions, kerfuffles and fun activities. I wasn’t totally alone, I had friends, but they didn’t want to talk to me about Buffy. We had other things to talk about, and it was great, but fandom allowed me to talk about stuff I wanted, and taught me how to think, analyze, and discuss stuff in a new way. It taught me a lot about life and mores in Other Places, it helped me to feel at home in North America, it taught me English, it introduced me to many wonderful people.

The end results of the year

it was a very busy year, that has seen me accomplishing quite a lot, mostly unexpected. Things I wanted mostly fell by the wayside, but I did to some stuff.

So, in a random order.

1) I ran a bookclub that I started in October 2023. a year ago I celebrated its start, but now, after a year I celebrate myself for staying the course and not yielding to gale winds of more strong-willed members who know the best way to run a book club. I am not looking for the best way, I want my book club run my way. It is a small thing, but it was important to me.

2) I become a member of a school site council basically by inviting myself in. Again, a tiny thing, but important to me. It allowed me to see some inner workings of our school (elementary) and a district, and it also led to

3) me making and running a math club at school for 2-5 grades. Older kids participate in MOEMS math olympics, younger ones learn to solve fun math problems. I didn’t want to run it, but I wanted kids to have it, and there was nobody else ready to do it (except for one other mom, who is my partner in running it)

4) I did a reading kids club over the summer, hoping it will grow into something more than me reaign books to a handful of kids. It didn’t, since after the summer my life veered off course I planned.

5) My mother in law arrived from Kyiv, and we spent months arranging her life here. We kind of settled her, comfortably enough, I hope, even if not ideally. But well, a lot of weekends we spends driving around the Bay area looking at various living arrangements.

6) I hardly ever wrote anything, having hardly any mood and focus. I don’t want to say I didn’t have time, but when I had, I couldn’t write.

7) I read a lot. For book club and for myself.

8) I kept amusing myself with making jewelry. I love to put stuff together, but now it seems time to learn how to do it properly (so it would not break apart or scratch, or look weird).

9) I bought a lot of paper books, having accepted that this is my hoard, and I don’t care whether I or my family will every read them. I do try. It is rather funny to buy books in Russian now, when it is so much more difficult. Maybe I do want a library of my own.

10) I got summons for the jury duty, and then I got chosen and spent seven weeks going to court and being a juror. It was quite an experience, that ended up meaning a lot to me.

11) I discovered that I love California

12) I felt more comfortable with myself and my place in the world this year. And, the year that is almost over reminded us that the world is a shitty place right now, but I am kind of used to it. I am living in a post-apocalyptic world right now. Bad things happened and have been happening. And might happen in the future. But I started a math club, and kids are excited to solve complicated math problems with me. I helped to bring some actual justice in the world. I made some lives a bit better with my bookclub. I made new friends. I met wonderful people. I know a path forward. There is a wound in me that’ll never heal, but it’s ok. it’s how people live. I miss terribly my family and Russia, and I am terrified of going there, and I feel guilty for being terrified to go and see my family. It is a problem I cannot solve. But I can do other things and I am doing them. It’s not that bad.

1. In 1504 Michelangelo’s statue of David was unveiled in Florence. Have you ever seen the original or a copy of it?

I've been to Florence and seen the one that stands in the original place, but it is a copy. Also, there is a copy in Moscow Pushkin Art Museum that I saw a lot during all the school trips.

2. Do you know how to use a sewing machine? Do you own one?

I know, but I struggle with it. There is always something wrong with my sewing.

3. In 1909 the German astronomer Max Wolf rediscovered Halley's comet - have you ever seen a comet?

I don't think so.

4. Today is European Migraine Day of Action to raise awareness - have you ever had a migraine?

Yes. I am lucky they are only occasional.


5. Do you own a desktop computer or do you use a laptop or a tablet?

we have a desktop computer at home, but I use laptop right now.


6. Francis Scott Key wrote the poem "Defence of Fort M’Henry" in 1814. It was later known as "The Star-Spangled Banner” - do you know all the words?

No.
I still remember the hymn of USSR. Which should tell you something about the state of my memory.

7. Penicillin was discovered today in 1928 by Alexander Fleming - have you ever had to take it?

Probably.

8. In 1953 the first cinemascope film was shown - The Robe starring Richard Burton. Do you prefer to see a movie at home or on the big screen (does it depend on the type of movie)?

at home, but big screen is fun, too

9. What is the worst smell you’ve ever smelled?

something my dog rolled in 30 years ago. and then I had to wash her, so I couldn't even hide from it.

10. Have you ever tried wearing contact lenses?

no

11. It’s Talk Like a Pirate Day! Have you read Robert Louis Stephenson’s Treasure Island?

yes. but as a kid, in translation, not in English.

кабачок, кабачок,
полосато-зеленый,
отчего не растешь
у меня ты в саду?
и горох не растет,
помидор не растет,
только роза цветет
раз пятнадцать в году.
буду розу срывать,
буду розу жевать,
буду розу друзьям
подарять.

We went to Hawaii for a week this last June. It was lovely, even if not an ideal vacation (yes, those exist, I had several).

I wanted the whole family vacation for years, and for a long time if was either me and one or two kids, or just me. Now I finally managed to get all four us together, flying away from home somewhere and then coming back. The dog went to the dog hotel, the bunny went to the friends’ house, the budgies stayed to man the house.

Hawaii to me is a strange place. Yes, stolen by the USA. Militarized (the US military installations are a bit less in your face, but very much there). Devoted to its royalty. Proud to have finished off Captain Cook.

Bringing their language from the dead. Rich in tourists. Locals… well, not so. Endlessly welcoming. Infinitely beautiful. Ideal weather. Active volcano, tsunamis, fires, earthquakes. Expensive. Poor. Strict. Funny. Easy-going. American. Pacific. In the middle of an ocean. Closer than many more familiar places. Full of chicken running around and plumeria blossoms raining down on sidewalks.

Anyway, what I really wanted to talk about is the book I read during the vacation. A perfect beach read if you were, since I could focus on reading and not on whatever else I have to be doing instead.

It’s 1177 B.C.: The Year Civilization Collapsed by Eric Cline


I liked this book quite a lot. Of course, I expected it to be slightly easier to read, judging blurbs and reviews I read, but really, after slogging through the introduction, it was a smooth and entertain ride through several centuries of Late Bronze Age and lots of names and dates. The conclusion was not surprising either – “it’s complicated” is pretty much all we could say with all the information available to us now, but the author gave a lot of nuance and details to the “complicated” part.

I hardly knew much about the Bronze Age civilizations before this book – a bunch of disparate facts about one place or another. Now I know many more facts, and more importantly, they settled into a system in my head, firmly placed in relation to each other geographically and chronologically.

So I guess, I am exactly the right audience for this book. Yay! Now I shall go and try to remember all the names of the Hittite kings. They are so cool.

And I keep forgetting about the Mittani kingdom. I didn’t know about its existence before this book, and now I keep forgetting about it. Sic transit gloria mundi…